Waking Up Earley

Thoughts, Ideas and Inspiration by Melissa Earley

Page 8 of 10

Evil Is Out of Fashion

Before their jewelry and gold and silver was stolen, before they were commanded to wear yellow stars, before they were moved into ghettos, before they were shoved into cattle cars, before they were taken to Auschwitz, before they were starved and frozen, before Elie saw his father beaten, before an old man’s bread was stolen by his grandson, they were warned to leave.   That’s the heartbreaking truth that Elie Wiesel tells in his book Night.

A first hand witness came back from the dead to warn them. Moishe the Beadle, was taken in the round up of foreign Jews. He escaped. Moishe believed he was spared by God to warn his neighbors of the camps and the trenches. His neighbors could not believe that such evil existed. That such evil could happen to them. It wasn’t just evil that did them in. It was being blind to it.

We are capable of great evil. All of us.

The baptismal liturgy of my church asks the initiate to “renounce the spiritual forces of wickedness, reject the evil powers of this world and repent of their sin.” It sounds so anachronistic. Aren’t we are too sophisticated to talk about spiritual wickedness? It’s in fashion to talk about love and acceptance and mercy.

The world is good. But evil is real.

We avoid the trap of accusing whole populations of being evil because of the actions of a few just to fall into the pit of denying evil exists.

Volkswagen executives commit fraud and convince themselves it’s good business. They poison the air. Government officials in Michigan do not follow federal regulations to save money in a struggling city. They poison the water.

Air pollution caused by Volkswagen executives. Lead poisoning caused by officials in Michigan. All perpetrated by people who are probably good to their families, keep their lawns mowed and their sidewalks shoveled, and return their library books on time. They are “good” people.

Did Cain kill Abel because he didn’t see the evil that lurked at the gate of his own heart?

Did the candles make a difference?

Christmas eve candles

Is it time for us to stop lighting the candles and singing Silent Night on Christmas Eve?  Most people love this tradition. Some people come to church only on Christmas Eve just for this moment.   Many love the memories it brings and the warm feeling.

That’s not enough for me.

I admit, some of it is the Christmas cranks. In 47 years I’ve probably lit the candles 61 times. Usually by the time we get to the Silent Night point in the worship service I’m tired, my feet hurt and I’m ready to go home. But my dissatisfaction is more than bah humbug.

Just before Christmas I heard an interview with Jose Miguel Sokoloff on NPR’s This American Life. (click here to listen to the interview or here for the Ted Talk) Sokoloff is an advertising executive whose firm was hired by the Colombian government to produce propaganda that would convince FARC soldiers to demobilize. One of their campaigns was to bring Christmas lights to the jungle. They put 75 foot trees wrapped in blue and white lights along key paths in the jungle. When a guerrilla walked by he or she would trigger a motion sensor that would light up a sign, “If Christmas can come to the jungle, you can come home.  Demobilize.  It’s Christmas.  Everything is possible.”

Sokoloff says the campaign worked because of beauty and surprise. It awakened a longing, but didn’t satisfy, for Christmas with family and friends. The lights led the FARC soldiers to risk leaving the jungle to find what they sought.

Do the candles on Christmas Eve lead us somewhere new? If they awaken a longing for a deeper relationship with God and a closer connection to our neighbor, then let’s keep doing it. But if they just give us a momentary feel good feeling, point us only to the past and not to a new future, then maybe it’s time to blow them out.

I’m at least half way through my life and I need more than Christmas card Christianity. I need more than sentimentality. My faith has become grittier in the last few years. Following Jesus needs to make a real difference or it’s just a waste of time.

Let it Snow

I wish it would snow. Chicago’s unseasonably spring like December unsettles me.

I’m not looking forward to slogging through unshoveled sidewalks when I walk my dog. Or losing parking places at crowded strip malls. Or salting the sidewalk at church.

But I would love a blanket of clean, white snow to cover everything. Like the plants in my front yard that are long dead but not cut back. The leaves that fell after my final mow. The piles of dirt from the utility work being done all over Northbrook.   Even trashcans look better in the snow.

Snow would not improve the state of my desks in my home or in my office. It would only make it harder to find things and make the papers soggy. Snow wouldn’t work for laundry either.

Snow wouldn’t cover my Christmas crankiness. I don’t suppose it would subdue politicians’ crazy rants. Snow would make city streets look like a winter wonderland for a moment, but would do nothing to stop gun violence. It would make life harder for those for whom life is already a challenge.

But snow would give me a moment to pause and see the world with new eyes. Patio furniture would put on top hats.  Bare trees would shimmer under street lights. Hard edges would all be softened.  It would look quieter.

Snow wouldn’t change the world. But it would change our perception of it.

 

Enjoy these photos offered by friends when I asked:

"Biking Through Snow" taken by Michael Leland

“Biking Through Snow” taken by Michael Leland

 

A street in Northbrook by Barbara Cintado

A street in Northbrook by Barbara Cintado

 

January 3, 2015

“Winter” by Michael Leland

 

"Surprise Storm" by Tracy Kelly

“Surprise Storm” by Tracy Kelly

 

A stream in Northbrook by Barbara Cintado

A stream in Northbrook by Barbara Cintado

 

A bench in Northbrook by Judy Hughes

A bench in Northbrook by Judy Hughes

 

Front yard in snow by Alice Lonoff

Front yard in snow by Alice Lonoff

 

 

 

The Gift of Regret

I recently had a conversation with someone who says that she doesn’t regret anything. Everything that she has done and everything that has happened to her have helped make her who she is now.  She is  grateful. I appreciated her acceptance of her decisions and envied her ability to not look back.

I look back a lot.

I do have regrets. I regret not taking a writing class in college. I regret not going to prom my senior year of high school (long story). I regret not keeping up with my exercise in recent months. I regret purchasing a yellow couch.

I wonder sometimes what my life would be like if I had made different choices. If I had majored in Spanish or stuck with the creative writing I did as a child? I don’t regret the life I have now, but I can imagine how my life could be different. I don’t regret the path I took so much as wish I could take more than one path at the same time.

Living with regret, without being bound by it, keeps me from being paralyzed in the face of decisions. I can survive making the wrong choice.

I have felt remorse – deep regret. For things I’ve done or left undone. For things I’ve said or left unsaid. I regret pain I caused others and chaos I created for myself.

Remorse opens the path to admission of wrongdoing – my spiritual tradition calls this confession – and that makes it possible for me to seek and receive forgiveness, one piece of the  gift of undeserved, unearned love – grace. Even when it’s not possible to fix what I’ve broken, divine forgiveness frees me to live unfettered by the past.

The experience of blowing it and starting again – resurrection — has shaped me in profound ways. It softens the edges of my judgment toward others. I am less brittle and better able to extend grace to others.

I do have regrets. I don’t regret the regret.

 

 

 

Just for the Fun of It

There isn’t a lot I do just for the fun of it.

Remember swinging? You pumped and pumped your legs but didn’t get anywhere. What do you do that’s like that?

I just finished National Novel Writing Month. A not for profit of the same name encourages people to sign up to write 50,000 words of a novel in 30 days. “What happens if you don’t finish?” friends often asked when I lamented how many words behind I had slipped. “What do you get if you finish?” they asked when I celebrated a great day of writing. The answer to both was “nothing.” No great honors for winning, no fines for not finishing. It was just for the fun of it.

I’m sure it’s been good for my writing to put butt in chair and write most days. I’m sure my “sticktoittiveness” muscles got stronger. But the real reason, at least in the end, that I stuck to it is that it was fun.

Most of what I do has a “so that” attached. I exercise so that I can get in shape. I cook so that I can eat. Doing something just for the pure joy in it is the definition of play, and a critical part of Sabbath. It’s what children know how to do.

I want to finish my novel and go back and edit it. I’d like to see where the story takes me. I do have the occasional fantasy about what it would be like to have it published and be on the New York Times best seller list and get interviewed by Oprah…but if that’s why I continued to work on the story then I would have quit long ago. The “who do you think you are?” demons would have silenced me right from the beginning. Doing something just for the fun of it gives you permission to do it because it doesn’t have lead to anything meaningful.

Like swinging.

10 things I’ve learned during NaNoWriMo and 1 thing I already knew

It’s National Novel Writing Month and I’m frantically trying to write 50,000 words on a novel by November 30. I’m at 26,724 words as of Monday, November 23 at 5:37 PM. Yikes! Here’s what ‘ve learned so far:

  1. It’s really hard to write a novel – even a bad one.
  2. The amount I don’t know about driving from Chicago through Mexico to Guatemala is astonishing.
  3. Sometimes it’s simply easier to make stuff up instead of do research.
  4. The first rule of writing is to put your butt in the chair and write.
  5. When you put your butt in the chair and write, sometimes the story surprises you. That’s when it gets fun.
  6. Checking Facebook does not help you write.
  7. It’s really hard to not use adverbs. But your writing is better when you don’t. (“sputtered” vs. “said haltingly;” “trotted” vs. “walked quickly”)
  8. It might seem like a good idea to pour yourself a glass of red wine to sip on while you write in the evening. It’s not.
  9. You have to write a lot of crap in order to get to write anything remotely good.
  10. You can’t tell when you’re writing if what you’re writing is total crap or if any of it is remotely good.
  11. You will feel inadequate. Accept it and write anyway (remember number 4).

 

 

8 Things I Learned About Writing (and Life) from Stephen King

I just read Stephen King’s memoir On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. I highly recommend it. He doesn’t give any quick fixes or secret tricks to writing, just good solid advice (that I think applies to life too):

  • If you want to be a better writer then write more. Goes without saying, right? Well apparently it does not go without saying. There are plenty of things I have wanted to be better at that I haven’t actually practiced. Malcom Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours to be good at something. I did the math. If I write for two hours a day every day of the year I will get to 10,000 hours in 13.69 years. I’ll be 61.
  • It also helps to read as much as you can. It’s probably better if it’s good writing, but it doesn’t have to be. You can learn from people who are terrible too.
  • With practice a good writer can become a great writer. A good writer will probably never become an iconic, once in a generation writer. Those are born not made. Not everyone who wants to write is a good writer.  We are not created equal.
  • Less is more. The real trick to editing is taking out everything that isn’t necessary. “Kill your darlings.” Take out the phrases, paragraphs, plot lines that don’t move the story forward.
  • Avoid adverbs.
  • It’s okay to not have a plot outline. You can start with a general idea and just see what happens. You don’t need to know where you’re going when you start.
  • Use failure as a way to learn but not as an excuse to stop.
  • Use your own words. If you use big words use them. Don’t invent a vocabulary to impress others.
  • Be honest. Don’t let the decency police get in the way of what you want to say.

What Holidays Would You Invent If You Could?

We just celebrated Fall Back Sunday – one of my favorite Sundays of the year. I know not everyone agrees. But what could be better than extra hour to do whatever we want! It’s found time, like found money in my winter coat pocket, I can spend it however I want – working a quilt for a friend, watching a movie, vacuuming the stairs. Fall-back Sunday deserves to be an official a holiday.

Which makes me think about days that should be holidays but aren’t:

The first really nice day in the spring – this may be just for folks living in punishing climates like Chicago.

The first snow that sticks – when we still think snow is magical, and the world is quiet. Before the pollution has turned snow banks gray and my dog is constipated because she refuses to go outside in the bitter cold.

On that note, Ground Hog Day should be a holiday, but only when the ground hog doesn’t see its shadow and we know that spring is coming.

How about a “I just can’t put it down day” which should come on a Monday so that we can keep reading on Monday that wonderful book that we had our nose in all weekend.

We should each get at least two “I just can’t get my act together days” a year to use every shirt needs to be ironed, or every pair of tights has a run in the knee or the car is almost out of gas, we have no cash, and we’ve lost our credit card. Those should be days we can just go back to bed and not have to lie about being sick.

For these days to be true holidays and not additional stress days, they must be declared card, gift, special meal, and religious ritual free. The minute Hallmark, Betty Crocker or the church get their mitts on them they are ruined. They should be days free from work and to-do lists, simply days just to enjoy.

Do Skeletons Belong on the Lawn or in the Closet?

On my morning walks I pass graveyards with skeletal hands groping for sunlight, dementors gliding through trees ready to suck out souls and decapitated heads hanging by porch lights.

I’m puzzled by these Halloween decorations that seem to have gotten more outrageous every year.   Seldom do I see a jack-o-lantern with a crooked smile or a friendly ghost.

We have skeletons on our lawn but we are so ambivalent about them in the rest of our lives.

We avoid death very ably in most parts of our lives. Age is impossible to detect in the women in my community. With colored hair, carefully applied make up and work out regimens that would rival Olympic triathletes, many women appear ageless. I’ve often wondered if the focus on achievement, performance and the accumulation of wealth is a way to outrun death. We schedule memorial services for our convenience. Soccer games, concert performances and vacations take precedence over honoring the departed. Death doesn’t interrupt anymore. But we splay it all over our front lawns.

Has Halloween become a secular Ash Wednesday? On Ash Wednesday  Christian pastors and priests put ashes on the foreheads of gathered worshippers and say, “Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return.” It is a day to acknowledge our mortality, confront our limitations, and confess our brokenness.

Do these Halloween decorations only reflect the popularity of the Walking Dead or do they reveal something hidden deep in the recesses of our minds?

Do the ghouls hanging from a neighbor’s tree remind us that we are not in control of everything?

Does walking by a mock graveyard remind us that we cannot outrun death?

 

 

Skiing Right Off the Edge

It’s been close to ten years since I went downhill skiing, but a recent dream brought to mind how much I enjoyed it when growing up in Colorado.

I had a ski instructor who encouraged us to not hover at the start of the run, but to just ski right from the lift, over the edge, and down the mountain. I remember the thrill. I couldn’t see what was coming next – a patch of ice, deeper powder, a large mogul. It was about committing to the run. Our instructor said it would make us look cool (I’m fairly certain I felt cooler than I looked). I think he really wanted to push us to the edge of our skill level and boost our confidence. I remember how it felt to not hesitate and trust that I could handle whatever was just over the edge.

With that dream lurking in the cobwebs of my mind I signed up for the National Novel Writing Month. I have committed to writing 50,000 words in 30 days. 1667 words a day! I’m flying by the seat of my pants. I have a couple of story ideas but no plot outline, developed characters, or clear location. It feels a bit like running the marathon without training.

I may crash and burn. It could be a total yard sale[1]. I’ve given myself permission to flail around, not look cool, and do it “wrong.” It’s okay if I don’t actually write a novel. Entries may not be connected to each other, I may start down my first idea and get stuck and so start down another path.

I want to plunge in more in my life — to just go for it, to not hold back or worry about the consequences.  I’m ready to take risks and dare failure.

 

[1] A “yard sale” is a crash where the skier’s or snowboarder’s equipment, hat, goggles, etc. are strewn all over the mountain.

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